Friday, July 30, 2010

In the End

A good friend once said to me, “Once a woman reaches age 40, she becomes comfortable in her own skin.” At the time, I had no idea what she meant because I was only in my early 30's. Although I have not quite reached 40, I finally feel like I understand. I don’t care what anyone else thinks about me; I know what I want, I know how to get it, and I won’t allow anyone to stand in my way again.

However, in my past, I allowed one of my two former spouses to hold me back. I don’t know what my final deciding factor was in ending the relationship; perhaps it was my upcoming 10 year wedding anniversary. I sure didn’t look forward to another 10 years of prison. If I had stayed in the marriage, I know without a doubt that I would not have enrolled in college again; among one of many things. At that point in time, it would have been too much on my plate because I did not have the support at home to make it possible.

So, after a thousand setbacks, I’ve recently realized some important life lessons.
1. I’m learning to appreciate everything more and not rush anything.
2. Time slips away so quickly and what seems like an eternity will soon become a memory.
3. Most important, I know I am the only person responsible for allowing anyone to keep me from success. It may be true that I have many years of bad choices to make up for, but I would rather focus my energy on the future; if only for one day at a time. After all, it’s the past that has shaped me into the strong, determined, hard working mother and wife that I am today.

Regardless, I wish I would have stepped "out of the box” many years ago because doing anything at my age (and in my situation) is much more difficult than it would have been when I had more energy, time, and freedom.

Being comfortable "in my own skin" has shown me not to become consumed with what kind of challenges lay ahead; I am sure there are many. All I can do is deal with life as it happens and be as prepared as I possibly can. I now have the support at home, and with my determination and strength, I know I have no choice but to press on.

Therefore, I feel the following lyrics from In the End by Linkin Park are suiting to me since I have left the old me in another place and time.

“…In spite of the way you were mocking me, acting like I was part of your property.
Remembering all the times you fought with me, I'm surprised it got so far.
Things aren't the way they were before, you wouldn't even recognize me anymore
(Not that you knew me back then)…

…You kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart.
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I put my trust in you…”

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Let's Talk About Me

1. Recently, I quit my J.O.B. (a.k.a.Just Over Broke) to be a stay at home mom. After a year and a half of changing diapers and spoiling my family, the time came for me to regain my status as an adult. I decided to make the leap and go back to college and finish earning my accounting/finance degree. This road that I am on is uphill and full of curves, but once I am settled into my new career, I won't have to worry about money (as much as I do now.) Even though it is "better late than never," it is just a shame that I didn't get my crap together many years ago.

2. Acquaintances carry much less baggage than friends. True friends are another thing, and they are the kind of people who I can depend on to help me out of a desperate situation without questions, and without expecting anything in return. On the other hand, acquaintances are kind of like cats and friends are like dogs. Cats do their own thing, and they socialize when they want to. Dogs are always in a persons face; begging or whining. You don't see cats up in their humans face all the time; you see them coming by to "visit" much less often than dogs. A cat won't bother a person unless it needs something, but a dog will be a nuisance for no reason; often because it is bored. So, in human terms, it seems better to hang out with someone every now and then, and not be a burden by calling to cry on someone's shoulder. First of all, I don't like talking on the phone. Second, it's really bad when someone wants to call and talk for two hours. I guess I'm selfish like a cat. By the way, if someone is callng me at midnight, then they better have a good reason.
3. I have a few things to say about getting old and dying. First, the thought of being old enough to wear "big people diapers" and have someone wipe my butt freaks me out. Second, please pull my plug if I can no longer function with out life support. And last, close that "lid" on my coffin. I want you to remember me the way I was and not all cold and bloated. I am plan on enjoying life while I still have the full use of my body and its functions.

4. I want to buy a small aircraft and get my pilots license. Then, I could travel whenever I want to wherever I want! I want to be free and unrestricted with my dearest people with me.

5. Shoulda', Coulda', Woulda'. That's the story of my life! But, what's the point in beating myself up over it. I have learned to be content with any situation I may be in. There was a time when I was so broke that I couldn't even pay attention. Then, there was another time when I was fairly comfortable. Now, I am basically starting over again, and I know I will make something of these ashes. It's all about "keeping my eyes on the prize."

6. I have been knocked down, gotten up, got knocked down again, kicked down, beaten down, stood up, been spit on, risen above, and soared high above. What a ride. I have had no choice but to keep on keeping on. What I'm trying to say is: Bad things come and go. I have learned to buckle up and ride it out. It does no good to cry about it. I no longer believe in having pity parties-no one likes going and it only makes things worse. Chin up, ya' hear?

7. My children and my husband are the most precious people in my life. I would do anything and give anything for any of them. Having a family is a job within itself. There are so many rewards, and I love seeing my children playing and smiling. When children become old enough to return a hug, it becomes the most beautiful moment in time.

8. Life is too short to live with bad memories of the past. It's one thing to have things filed away in the memory, but it's another thing to allow some things to rule when they are not needed. I realize that everything I have gone through has shaped me into who I am today, but I refuse to see anything as something negative. Every bad thing can be turned into something positive. I am learning to live with my mistakes. There's no one else to blame, so I should just get on with it. What's done is done, so deal with it.

10. I am who I am and I will not conform to what anyone else thinks I should be. I do not care what others think; therefore, I will do as I please. I believe in consideration to others, but if no harm is being done, then who cares? And speaking of that. I am not the girl I used to be. I never was shy anyway, I just didn't feel like talking.

11. I like to have fun, and it's too bad if you think I am acting stupid. You're just jealous.

12. I am not prejudiced of other races; I think there are people of all races that can act crappy. It has nothing to with skin color. Now, stupid people are another story...

13. I hate stupid people! Why in the world are you on this earth? To screw things up?

14. Lazy people who regularly mooch piss me off. They roll up in their Escalade, or they buy the most expensive clothes and have a big screen TV; but, they live in a beat up shack, live off welfare, and their young children are unsupervised in the streets. Why do they like handouts, and who are they really fooling? I guess it's all about what's important to them.

15. Just the facts!! Is it necessary to beat around the bush? C'mon, get to the point and make sense. I will understand what you're trying to say much better and you will feel better for getting it out.

16. Even though flowers are pretty, and the gesture is welcome; they die. Show me how you feel instead. I would rather have a houseplant or some other flower with roots so I can enjoy it forever.

17. I am stronger now than ever and I think I can do anything I set my mind to. No one can push me around or force me to change my beliefs.

18. You don't know me til you've walked a half a day in my shoes. It's a lot harder than it looks. But, if there was anyone who could pull it off, it's me.

19. Anyone who has let me go (boss, boyfriend, friend, etc) was selfish. I have some awesome qualities. Maybe the job was boring, or maybe you were boring. I just can't play the way everyone wants me to all the time.

20. I enjoy the outdoors. Being stuck inside really gets to me. I need to be surrounded by fresh air, sunshine, scenery, and beautiful things. The things I don't enjoy about being ouside are the bugs and extreme heat or cold. Are there any CPA jobs for me on the beach? LOL.

21. I think movie stars are overrated. I don't idolize anyone and don't think anyone should be paid outrageous amounts of money for supposedly being beautiful or talented.

22. I will fight for what is mine or my family's. I won't give up. Some things are petty and not worth the hassle, and I know the difference. Somehow, if you win and you were wrong, then shame on you. That's the guilt you have to live with.

Sunday, July 12, 2009


Running Away From It All…
I have threatened to run away to the hills where I would have a garden and a farm. I would not have to pay for electricity, water, or any other "overhead" because I would have well water and kerosene lanterns. My family and I would have all day to harvest the garden and tend to the cows and chickens; this is how I would feed my family. Of course, every now and then we have to find a way to pay for things like sugar, coffee, and keronsene for our lanterns.

Now that I have jumped back to reality, I know I would NOT be truly happy living like The Little House on the Prairie. The truth is the world is the way it is. Technology is here to stay, and we all have to work for provisions that used to be free; like water. Our world is not like the old days; things have become simpler, faster, and more attainable; yet life is more complicated. Unfortunately, those things are far from free.

There is no denying that almost everyone is looking for ways to spend less money. Especially with the economy the way it is, everyone, including the wealthy, is cutting back on something. The amount of "wealth" a person has to start with determines what category of "cheapskate" a person falls in. So, what is the need in today's times? Aren't we all looking for a better, less complicated way of doing things?

Money Answers Everything
We all need money to do practically everything; my life would be better in some ways with more money. I feel that I have learned some very important lessons concerning finances; therefore, I must guard every penny with my life. Learning how to be greedy with money. We all work hard for it, so why not give away as little as possible?

Aren't we all guilty of spending money because it's easier to eat out rather than prepare a meal at home? First, you have to buy the food and cook the food, and then the mess has to be cleaned up after eating. Of course, we could all hire servants, maids and butlers. Now there's a thought!

Learn to dream.
If people don't learn to live within their means and be happy about it, they will never be anything more than what they are now. Consider it a test. Maybe their current situation is fine with them. If not, where do they want to be? Sure, they may have nice things, and they may travel, but there's always more. Anything they desire is within their reach if they truly want it. They may have to work harder to get there, and they may get lucky and have it handed to them. How well they handle money, or whatever has been handed to them will determine how long they keep it or how much it will grow.

Think of it like this: If you shoot for the moon, you may just reach the stars. But if you only shoot for the stars, you may only reach the clouds.

If you owe then you’re in debt.
What I’m talking about is paying for most of what you have with some sort of credit. Good for you if you have good or excellent credit. But, if you really think about it, that “thing” that you’re paying for is not truly yours until it’s paid off. What if you lost your job tomorrow? Would you be able to make those payments? Probably not.

I realize there are some situations where credit is necessary. Know the difference and be honest with yourself.

Save, save, save.
If you’re not saving money, you should start. Start out small! It's like riding up a hill, once you get to the top you must start down the bottom, where your goal actually is. Of course, you could spend all your life trying to climb or you could spend your life sitting at the peak of the mountain. If you choose to keep going, you finally pick up speed as you get closer to your destination. Double time, then triple time, then it will happen so fast you can't keep up. And when you get there, it's easy street. Nice, flat ground, no more climbing!

The Plan
What if I had started this plan when I was 20 years old? Look at how much farther ahead I would be. And can you imagine how much more I would actually have to work with. I would probably have my money market account, which would be doubling every year by now. Five thousand would be 10 thousand, which would be 20 thousand and so on.

Obviously, I didn’t start early, so now I have to work harder. It's going to take more sacrifices now than when I was 20!

I have made financial mistakes in the past, and I continue to make mistakes. Therefore, I am far from perfect. However, I have learned a few things from my mistakes; thank goodness it’s not too late.

Thanks for reading.
If you haven't already done so, be sure to follow me for more tips and rants

Friday, July 10, 2009

Blog This

Why is it that I every time I lay down at night I think about things to blog about? I try to keep the ideas in my brain, but by morning, the good stuff is mostly lost. The last thing I want to do while I’m trying to rest is think. I certainly don’t want to take a notebook and pen to bed with me. Not only do I NOT want to think, but I don’t want to write by hand. I won't even start to complain about how bad carpal tunnel pain is when writing by hand. I probably wouldn't even be able to read what I wrote anyway.

I make everything more complicated than necessary, which is true in my blogging. I'll be honest, I'm having trouble getting this thing going.

What's slowing me down besides life in general? It’s just me, plain and simple. When faced with a problem, I know to look deep within myself to find answers to problems. I may not start out feeling that way, but that's where I usually end up.

I can’t say what my long term goal with blogging is because I honestly don’t know. Right now, I want to have fun with what I write, but most of all, I want to learn a few things along the way.

If you know me from Facebook, you may think I am a Facebook whore. Facebook is a great socializing tool, but can be a real time waster with the gazillion apps and other time wasters on there. To tell you the truth, it can be addicting.

I try not to be too annoying. I post links to videos, comment on other posts, and basically just socialize. On a side note, I don’t let everyone know about every thought I have or every time I use the bathroom. I post various things on Facebook to keep my "face" “fresh”.

I have the same avatar on every site I belong to. It may take awhile to get established this way, but it’s a start! You know the saying: You tell your friends and they will tell their friends and so on.

I have included Life Lessons as one of my links on Facebook. I have also listed it as my first link. I think most people are in a hurry, so if someone does check me out further, they are bound to just click on the first link and nothing more. So, I need to make it worth their while. The idea is, my friends will be so “taken in” that they will be compelled to read on. And, eventually, they will be addicted to my blog, which in turn, creates more followers.

Now, I know that there are other ways to attract readers (which I’m working on). But by the time this happens, I will have (hopefully) found a blogging style that really draws some curiosity which creates more followers for me. You see, I’m not too worried about that end yet, as I know I haven’t that much to offer anyone right now.

Eventually, I will have Twitter going to full capacity. Twitter, at first, seemed like another time waster to me. I saw that there was some sort of potential to be more than meets the eye, but I didn’t have anything of importance to offer there either. No emminent tornadoes to report or pedophile on the loose.

For the time, I am just going to use Twitter like I use Facebook. To drive traffic here, to my blog, by allowing people to get to know me.

Perhaps nighttime is the only time I can actually hear myself think. The time that I do have to blog is filled with interruptions and, to be honest, pure chaos.

I’ve become selfish with my “me” time. I force myself to do whatever I want for however long I want. That might mean something as simple as taking a really long bath or even blogging. You wouldn’t like me if I didn’t take that kind of time; I would even like myself.

Although, I can’t do everything I want, I have to choose what I want most at that moment, and usually sleep wins the vote. In order for me to have some quality time, I either have to get a babysitter (which I fortunately have whenever I need one) or I have to get up early or stay up late.

Finally, I have decided to look deep within myself and give you a side rarely seen (not even on Facebook). I have been struggling with what to write because I didn't think I had anything of value to offer. Do you really want to read the story of a boy, a golfball, a golfclub and a patio door? How about the guy who sings (badly) to himself as he rides his bicycle while picking up empty soda cans?? That may be what you get for now, until I can totally unleash that deeper side of me.

I've got a few things I'm working on right now, which will be revealed in bits and pieces over the next few months.

For those of you that are currently following me, show me some love and let me know what you think and thank you for hanging in there. Stick it out, I promise you will like what you're going to see. I am learning new things, so something good has to happen, right? And, for those of you just "lurking", follow me if you don't want to miss anything coming up.

More to come!

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Time To Groove

Let's switch gears for a few. I've been on a negative kick lately. The economy sucks and my lack of income is not helping. I won't go into the details now- what I prefer to do is relax, think positive, and fill my head with happy thoughts.

I love music. The right music helps me relax; which is what I need to do very badly right now. No, don't feel sorry for me. I'm taking some time off. Fun, fun and more fun!

I started this day off with music, which is oddly soothing, yet motivating for me. When I say motivating, I'm not talking about inspiration. I'm talking about having the drive to avoid laziness.

I truly love bands or artists that can actually "re-make" an old favorite. To find a band that has performed a song as well, if not better than the original, is rare and difficult to do.

These next two songs are bad to the bone, in my opinion.

First, we have The Who with Behind Blue Eyes. It's not really the words in this song that capture me. It's the sound. The vocals.

Check it out, see what you think.

Cool, huh? Now, check out this next video with Limp Bizkit (Heard Break Stuff?) doing their version of the same song. The only thing this song has in common with The Who's version, is the lyrics. Whatever it is, I can't get enough of it. Check it out for yourself.

By the way, feel free to let me know what you think. And, be honest, I can take it. But if I were to guess, I'll bet you add them both to your playlist.

Be sure to check out my inspiration.

See you back here in a few days.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Just Get Over It!

Nobody really knew about the hell she had already been through, among a host of more hell, yet to come...

These things are what has shaped who she is today.

Some would let these demons rule; she found it best to set it all aside, stay absorbed in music and live as though nothing ever happened.

As if these "things" were voodoo, not a word was ever spoken. Didn't you realize that she was practically dead on the inside? Why didn't you stop the screaming long enough to realize this?

No matter, things find a way to surface in other ways.

Withdrawn, quiet, and almost unnoticed, the question was, "Is she shy?" Nobody realized she was hiding behind a wall she did not create.

A series of teenage rebellions led to more wrong turns. Should she blame her parents? Should she blame herself? Why was she in such a hurry to grow up?

Fast forward...

Adversity taught her to look within. Often, she asked herself questions like, "How am I responsible for this situation" and "What can I do to change this?"

She learned to break the chains that held her down for so long. Despite a thousand misfortunes and even more excuses, she knew she was the only one in control of her fate.

She is stronger now and can handle just about any trial or setback.

When life hands you lemons do you make lemonaid or drink tequila shots?

Life can be a party, if you allow it. You can stay buried under your past and all that you've been through or you can rise above and break free. You can step out of your bubble and do your own thing.

Do you have negativity holding you back? What are your fears? Are you afraid what people will think? Are you afraid of change? All you need are the tools, and only you can obtain them. It doesn't matter that "this is the way it is"; why does it have to stay that way?

Find your obstacle and knock it down! Quit living in the past, you never know what "might have been", so get over it!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

This May Be Your Last Day

Why do you wander mindlessly like a bunch of rodents? Wandering left, right, and back and forth again through the maze called life?

Forgotten dreams, wasted days...

Twenty years has literally faded away and much has happened. The road traveled was curvy, straight, then curvy, and now it is finally straight again. I may not have lived my dreams (yet), but I have learned the hard way where I need to go. Thankfully, my number wasn't drawn before I could make things right.

Not to say that I wasn't living or having a blast. I just got a little "sidetracked".

Will anyone remember me when I'm dead? Who will come to my funeral and what will they say about my life? Why do I ponder the end so much? Am I really on the top of the hill, headed over the hill? I feel I may be "half way there", so while I can still go to the bathroom on my own, feed myself, and function with only mild aches/pains I'm going to live my dreams.

Quit following someone else's footprints! Get up and make a change! Get up, get out and do whatever you want. Take a risk!! What are you waiting for? Who cares what everyone else thinks! Live like tomorrow is your last day ever...

See you at the top!